What is a prayer meeting after death?
A prayer meeting after death is a short, quiet gathering where family, friends and colleagues come together to pray for the one who has died and to support those left behind. In Delhi NCR it is also called a shraddhanjali sabha, shok sabha or simply 'the prayer meeting'.
It usually lasts about an hour. A framed photograph is placed at the front with flowers and a lamp. There may be bhajans, kirtan, a havan or readings, followed by a few words from family or friends. Guests offer a flower before the photograph and a quiet word to the family.
For many families it is the one gathering where everyone who wants to pay respects can come, including those who could not attend the cremation.
What is the chautha or uthala ceremony?
The chautha is a gathering held on or around the fourth day after a death, common among Punjabi Hindu families. Many families use uthala for the same gathering. It marks the end of the first, most intense days of mourning.
Around this time the family usually collects the ashes from the cremation ground. At the gathering, a priest may lead prayers or a havan, and bhajans or kirtan are sung. In many families the rasam pagri takes place here: the eldest son is tied a turban before the extended family as the new head of the household. Others hold the rasam pagri on the thirteenth day, and some reform-minded families now include daughters.
Which gathering do different communities hold?
Most communities in India hold some form of remembrance gathering in the days after a death. What it is called, and when, depends on the family's faith and region.
- Punjabi Hindu families: the chautha or uthala around the fourth day, sometimes with the rasam pagri.
- Many North Indian Hindu families: a prayer meeting or havan on or near the terahvi, the thirteenth day.
- Bengali families: the shraddha on the 11th, 15th or 30th day depending on caste, often with a meal.
- Sindhi families: the eleventh-day Tayri.
- Sikh families: the bhog of a Sahaj Paath, the complete reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, usually within about ten days, with kirtan, ardas and langar. See Sikh funeral and antim ardas.
- Christian, Muslim and Jain families have their own remembrance prayers. See our guides for Christian, Muslim and Jain families.
- Many families now hold a simple, interfaith prayer meeting so friends of every background feel welcome.
When should the prayer meeting be held?
Hold it on the day your tradition suggests, often the fourth day, the tenth to thirteenth day, or the bhog. If the family needs to choose, pick a day and time that lets most people come.
- Time of day: an afternoon or early-evening slot of about an hour lets people come from work. Mornings suit gatherings with a havan.
- Weekends: many families choose a weekend for colleagues and friends, if it falls within the mourning period.
- Notice: two or three days' notice is usually enough. Share the details as soon as the date is fixed.
- Travel: if close family are flying in, it is fine to wait for them.
How do you organise a prayer meeting?
Decide the date and venue first, then the prayers, then the invitation. Ask one relative or friend to manage the details so the closest family can simply be present.
- Choose the venue: home if space allows, a community or RWA hall, a temple or Arya Samaj hall, a gurdwara, or a banquet hall. Some cremation grounds, such as Lodhi Road in Delhi, also have a prayer hall. Check capacity, parking, sound system, chairs and shoe space.
- Arrange the prayers: a pandit for a havan or path, a bhajan or kirtan group, or a granthi and ragis at a gurdwara. Settle timings and dakshina in advance.
- Prepare the front: a large framed photograph, flowers or garlands, a diya and incense, and a table of loose petals for guests to offer.
- Plan who speaks: one or two short tributes from family or close friends are enough.
- Arrange simple hospitality: water, and tea or a light snack after the prayers if your family wishes. Some communities serve langar or a meal.
- Keep a condolence register at the entrance, so the family can see later who came.
- Share the invitation on WhatsApp, by phone, and in a newspaper notice if you wish.
If relatives abroad or in other cities cannot travel, ask a younger family member to join a video call from a phone on a small stand near the front, and share the link with the invitation. Test the sound before guests arrive. Keep a printed copy of the prayers or bhajans for those who wish to follow along, and a few chairs near the front for elders who cannot sit on the floor.
What should a prayer meeting invitation say?
Keep it short and clear: who has passed away, what the gathering is, and the day, date, time and venue. Add a phone number for directions if the venue is hard to find.
WhatsApp message (English): 'With deep sorrow we share that our beloved [Name], [relationship], left for the heavenly abode on [date]. A prayer meeting will be held on [day, date] from [time] to [time] at [venue, address]. Your presence and prayers will mean a great deal to us. — [Family name]'
Chautha or uthala: 'Chautha (Uthala) of our dear [Name] will be held on [day, date] from [time] to [time] at [venue]. Rasam pagri will follow. — Grieving family, [names]'
Hindi: 'अत्यंत दुःख के साथ सूचित करना पड़ रहा है कि हमारे प्रिय [नाम] का [तिथि] को स्वर्गवास हो गया। श्रद्धांजलि सभा [दिन, तिथि] को [समय] से [समय] तक [स्थान] पर होगी। — शोकाकुल परिवार'
Newspaper notice: include a photograph, the full name, age or years of birth and death, a line of tribute, the gathering details, and the family's names. Check the newspaper's deadline for the edition you want.
What should guests know about attending?
Arrive on time, dress simply, offer a flower before the photograph and a brief, quiet word to the family. You do not need to stay long or say anything clever.
- Many people wear white or light, muted colours.
- Gifts are not expected. Flowers are welcome. Some families request donations to a cause instead.
- At a gurdwara, cover your head and remove your shoes.
- If you cannot attend, a short message or call to the family is enough. You can also visit them at home later, when the crowds have gone.