Why do Hindus observe 13 days after death?
The 13 days after death are a period of mourning and offering. Hindu belief holds that the soul of your loved one, still a preta, is helped by the family's daily rites to join the ancestors (pitr) by the thirteenth day.
In practice, these days also give those left behind time to grieve together, receive visitors and settle the household. Many North Indian families call the closing day the terahvi or tehravin. Other communities close mourning on the 10th, 11th, 12th or a later day.
What happens on each day after a Hindu death?
A common North Indian pattern runs like this. Your family may follow only part of it, or follow different days.
- Day 1: antim sanskar. Everyone bathes on returning home. A diya is lit, often near where your loved one lay, and many families keep it burning for the whole period.
- Days 2 and 3: the house receives visitors. Simple food is cooked or brought by relatives. Many homes do not cook elaborate meals.
- Day 3 or 4: asthi sanchay, the gathering of the ashes from the cremation ground. Punjabi families often hold the chautha or uthala around this time.
- Days 4 to 9: daily pind or jal offerings in families that follow them, and a daily Garud Puran path in many homes. The ashes are often taken for immersion during this window.
- Day 10: dashgatra. Pind daan is offered, and in many families the men shave their heads. Some do this on the 9th or 11th day instead.
- Days 11 and 12: further shraddha rites, such as ekadashah and sapindikaran in families that follow them, in which the departed is ritually joined with the ancestors.
- Day 13: terahvi. A havan or shanti path, a meal for Brahmins and family, gifts (daan) and the end of sutak.
The practical work carries on alongside the rites. Deaths in India should be registered within 21 days, so keep the cremation slip and hospital papers together and ask one relative to follow up on the death certificate. Let someone else manage visitors, tea and meals, so the closest family can rest. It is all right to say no to visitors when you need quiet.
When are the ashes collected and immersed?
The ashes are usually collected on the third or fourth day after cremation. Many families immerse them in the Ganga or another holy river within the first ten days.
At the ground, the chief mourner and a few relatives gather the bones and ashes into a cloth bag or earthen pot, often sprinkling milk or Ganga jal. Delhi NCR grounds tell you when to come. Some also offer lockers for families who need a few days before travelling.
Haridwar, Garh Mukteshwar, Prayagraj and Varanasi are the usual choices for Delhi NCR families. See our asthi visarjan Haridwar guide and the asthi visarjan page. If immersion is delayed by months, priests often advise a tirth shraddha at the riverbank first.
Why is the Garud Puran read after a death?
The Garud Puran is read because its Pretakalpa section deals with death, funeral rites and the journey of the soul. It is traditionally recited during the mourning period.
Families usually invite a pandit to read a portion each day, often in the afternoon or evening, finishing by the 10th or 13th day. Some families read it themselves from a Hindi edition. Others play a recorded path. Many families do not hold a path at all, and that is equally within tradition.
If you are arranging a path, settle the timings, the number of days and the dakshina with the pandit in advance, so no one has to discuss money on the day.
What are dashgatra and pind daan?
Pind daan is the offering of small balls of rice or barley flour with sesame to the departed. Dashgatra is the cluster of rites on the tenth day, when these offerings are completed.
Some families offer one pind each day for ten days. Others offer them together on the tenth day, often at a riverbank, a ghat or the cremation ground. The chief mourner performs the rites with the priest. On this day many men in the family have their heads shaved. In some regions this happens on the ninth day.
The twelfth-day sapindikaran, where it is observed, is the rite that joins the departed with three generations of ancestors. After it, your loved one is remembered as a pitr in every future shraddha, including during Pitru Paksha.
What happens at the terahvi?
The terahvi on the thirteenth day closes the formal mourning period. It usually includes a havan or shanti path, a meal and gifts, after which the household returns to its routine.
- Purification: the house is cleaned and a havan is performed. Some families invite several pandits.
- Daan: gifts such as clothes, a bed, utensils or grain are given to Brahmins or to those in need. Many families now give to a temple, gaushala or charity instead.
- Meal: family and friends share a meal in remembrance. Some communities have chosen to keep this small or skip it, as large mrityu-bhoj feasts have been questioned by reformers.
- Rasam pagri: in many Punjabi, Haryanvi and Rajasthani families, the eldest surviving son is tied a turban as the new head of the family. This may be done on the fourth day instead. Some families now include daughters.
Many families in Delhi NCR combine the terahvi or the chautha with a prayer meeting for friends and colleagues. See prayer meetings: chautha, uthala and shraddhanjali sabha.
What is sutak, and how do customs vary by community?
Sutak is the period of ritual impurity after a death. Close family usually avoid temple visits, home puja, festivals and celebrations, typically for about ten days and up to the terahvi.
Its length often depends on how closely you were related. Traditional rules give about ten days to close relatives on the father's side, and three days, a day and a half or a single day to more distant kin. Unmarried brahmacharis are traditionally exempt. Some families also postpone weddings and big celebrations for up to a year.
- Bengal: the first shraddha falls on the 11th, 15th or 30th day depending on caste, with simple meals before it.
- Sindhi families: the eleventh-day Tayri is an important gathering.
- Punjabi families: the chautha or uthala around the fourth day is often the main public gathering.
- Sikh families do not observe sutak. A Sahaj Paath usually ends with a bhog within about ten days. See Sikh funeral and antim ardas.